'Summer holiday blues? Why I'm gloating about being child-free'

Why am I bringing this up now? Hmmm...I just feel that the six and a half week school 'holidays' might just be the perfect time to gloat over my child-free glee and why am I so happy being a cat mum and not a kid mum.

I am not heartless. I love affection and cuteness. In fact there is nothing greater than a full-frontal tuna yawn at 5am. It's far preferable to having to buy new shoes every three weeks and make the school run four times every day for 14 years.

Herts Ad editor Matt Adams spent his summers in the seventies at a holiday park. (Image: Matt Adams)

For me, there are so many reasons why I opt for felines over folk, but it's a good job not everybody thinks like me or we would be overrun with kitties instead of humans.

People would be complaining that they couldn't get Felix into the vet they really wanted him to go to or putting his name down for Cat-nastics five years before he was born.

To be honest, I take my metaphorical hat off to you all... It can't be easy trying to raise little people in a post-apocalyptic, global emergency while trying to work out why a tub of Lurpak is suddenly £7 let alone consider all the other crap.

After I left Beaumont (good school name-drop, I know you all love those!) the only thing my dad had to worry about was sending me the odd twenty quid to pay for pints of snakebite and black and Pot Noodles until the next grant instalment arrived.

Now the word Grant just fills us full of transportation rage...

Paddling pools are a fun way to while away some hours during the holidays. (Image: Laura Bill)

I'm also not sure how I'd cope not being able to swear. Twice in the same week I have been chastised for my language around other people's kids. Once it was the C word (no - not children) so I can sort of see their point - not really great for their precious little nine-year-old ears is it?!

The other time was a reference to drug dealers taking up parking spaces in my road - only in St Albans! Now the man in the car wanting me to reverse up the street so he could get out obviously had not educated his daughter on crack and heroin yet but that's an important topic for discussion I think!! He should be thankful to me for bringing it up.

I wince at the sound of general screaming coming from outside. It's some sort of a new game they've recently made up and I'm sure their parents are super happy about the amount of time it's keeping them out of their nit-free (possibly?) hair. I suppose it's better than them spending nine hours a day killing sex workers online or crashing into sports cars or whatever it is they do when they aren't sneakily spending the gas bill money on Roblox (I still don't know what that is).

I can't imagine having to go on holiday at the same time as everybody else. How do you even pick your daughter out from all the blonde pony-tails in pink costumes carrying unnecessary plastic items? And then there is the mad Stevenson's dash only to find the rarest but highly necessary PE shorts with critical logo emblazoned on are out of stock until February.

Do you end up filling the summer hols with craft activities? (Image: Laura Bill)

I am sure there are lovely parts. When else would you get that nice long stretch of time to make happy - albeit expensive - memories? Every year we hear debates about 'Is the school summer holiday too long?' I doubt it's natural to be stuck with your own kids for six weeks non-stop. I 'm pretty sure that doesn't happen in the wild.

For anyone who isn't already counting down the days, today is Day 21 (ish) out of 45 (depending on the end and start of terms). My maths makes that less than half-way through. So alas still 24 days left including weekends, which doesn't sound so bad does it?

When I was little, I remember time just spanning out in front of our fresh-faced, non-wrinkled eyes: cycling in the road, having Battenberg on the lawn with the neighbours' kids while our mums drank Pimm's and tried to get the wasps to leave us alone. To be honest it was much more likely Wagon Wheels and gin but we are in St Albans now so I need to pitch my ranting to our readership.

We were more than happy with a week camping in France, a few barbecues, a cinema trip and some paddling pool action.

Now it seems as though the holidays must include weekend jaunts to Center Parcs, more museum visits than you can count, and a "main" holiday which if it isn't in a mountainside villa with an infinity pool and concierge is just not going to pass muster when it comes to the inevitable post mortem in the classroom come September.

In contrast, I'm kicking off my heels and looking forward to enjoying the quieter roads and emptier shops which are the inevitable result of half the St Albans population disappearing abroad for most of the summer...