Luton unveils project to protect town from gentrification

Luton town centre.

Luton town centre. - Credit: Google

Plans have been unveiled for a new scheme preventing cultural contamination between Harpenden and Luton.

Luton Borough Council announced the Fakes Out Of Luton project earlier today in what it claims is a bid to prevent the gentrification of the 'Home of the Hatters' (Luton Town FC) by 4X4 driving, public school alumni from the neighbouring county.

The project, which is being part-funded by airport company Luton Rising, is a campaign by the town to preserve its working class charm and "salt of the Earth" character.

It comes in the face of a gradual northwards spread by cash-rich Hertfordshire residents looking for cheaper properties in Beds to house their work-shy offspring after they've completed degrees in Media Studies and Forensic Science.

Cllr Floris Payload, who is leading the project, said: "We've noticed for some time that there is a tendency for Hertfordshire toffs to corrupt our town with their high-falutin ways, refusing to drop their aitches and coming over all posh-like.

"Some of them are picking up our housing for a song, sprucing it up with some velvet throws and a wine fridge, and selling on for a pretty profit a few years down the line, leaving locals high and dry.

"Others are trying to open pavement cafés and vegan wine bars in a bid to change what it is what makes us Luton. Don't they know you can get a whole cake for a pound from Greggs?

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"We need these people to realise our town centre isn't just an extension of Luton Airport's shopping zone, it's a place of cultural significance in its own right.

"Of course, they're welcome to spend their big salaries in The Mall Shopping Centre, just as long as they go home afterwards."

Sorry if we caught you out, this was of course an April Fool!