10 things not to say to people from St Albans

Market Place, St Albans

Yes, St Albans is a city. - Credit: Charles Baker

People make assumptions and stereotypes about those who live - or were born - in certain places. If I had a fiver for everyone who has said to me that "St Albans is a bubble" I would definitely have a few quid. Or at least possibly be able to afford to park in Christopher Place for the day. 

Here we have come up with some annoying and/or ill-informed things probably better not said to people who come from St Albans. 

1. "You can never have enough coffee shops, can you?" Erm. I think you probably can actually. Although you can never have a short enough queue either so in that way it's good. Although why do they still run out of oat milk at all 964 of them on the same day?

2. "St Albans...it's a lovely little town..."It's a city!! It has a cathedral. End of. You think it's too small to be a city? Ah well...

3. "Are there any good schools there?" Dear, oh dear. There are ONLY good schools here. 

4. "Food banks?! Why?" Yes, some people struggle here the same as everywhere else in the UK. Not everyone is rolling around in money. In fact, there is a lot of deprivation in pockets of the city and the food banks and nightshelter are a lifesaver for many families.

5. "Ooh - down near where you live is great for parking for free and then walking to the station/office." That will be why I can never park my own car anywhere near where I live. Which is particularly brilliant when I'm staggering in with 17 bags of shopping or getting back late at night in black ice. Thanks. 

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6. "There is always somewhere lively to go after the pub closes." No there isn't. Twenty years ago you could go and karaoke the small hours away at The Adelaide. Sadly - or gladly, depending on which way you look at - your last stop for a rendition of Eye of the Tiger at half two in the morning on your way to the taxi rank might  be a tricky find. 

7. "It's really just become an extension of Hatfield, hasn't it?" This is what you say to the ones who think they are elitist. The people who literally cried when they placed a Poundland on St Peter's Street. It's the perfect wind-up line. Give it a go...

8. "Sometimes we pop over to Verulamium Park to feed bread to the ducks." Do not feed the ducks bread please. It makes the lake green from their poo. Or something like that. There are signs. St Albans lake-life only eat vegan skinny-latte encrusted tofu-flavoured birdseed. Why don't you already know this?!

9. "We moved here because it was so much more affordable than London." Yeah, okay. 

10. "I just don't understand the point of having a market anymore." Heritage? Fresh air? Supporting small businesses?