The heat wave has got us all panic buying fans and flashing unseemly amounts of flesh as temperatures rise to levels not seen since, er, last summer.

As with most weather conditions other than ‘quite cold’ or ‘a little bit warm’, many of us are struggling to cope with these uncomfortable changes in temperature. Most of our homes aren’t cut out for it either. And, being British, we can’t stop talking about it. Seems we’ve only just finished complaining about the rain (leaks, damp patches, ruined hairdos) and now this uber sun is turning our houses into sub-tropical prisons.

By night, we’re wondering what we did last time it was this toasty to get the air circulating and the stuffiness in check. We’ve been forcing open sash windows that haven’t seen any movement since last August, but it’s still like living in a sauna.

We’ve got a conservatory that we use as a dining room. It’s like an actual oven in there at the moment. It’s also unspeakably bright. A friend actually wore her sunglasses while having her lunch in there recently, and it’s impossible to see a computer screen when there’s even the smallest amount of sun.

The warm weather also brings the bugs, and the said conservatory is currently a graveyard for the fallen flies and bees who’ve collapsed and died, and now lie in wait for the cordless Dyson.

Pets hate it, too. Our cats, who normally spend their days lounging on beds, have been seeking out patches of shade in less comfortable areas of the house. Like us, they’re prepared to do anything in search of some half-decent sleep. They mind the kamikaze flies dead in their drinks a lot less than we do, though.

On the bright(ish) side, a downpour’s due any minute, so we’ll soon have something new to moan about.