December 2009 - Posts
Five
years ago, I would never have pictured myself where we are today. We
had been trying for a baby for a while unsuccessfully and trying to sell
our ex-council house, unsuccessfully. I did feel miserable, the only way I could make myself feel
better was to go to the Liberty shop in London and spend more money
than is sensible on a Mui Mui handbag.
Now, I live in a lovely
detached house in a nice suburban road. I have two beautiful children and after a hard
year health wise I feel better than ever. I have a doting husband and a
lovely family. All I want for Christmas is for them to be happy and
healthy next year.
For me, Christmas is always retrospective.
It's a marker in the year to assess where I am, what I'm doing and what
has happened to family, friends and myself.
I think its important to try to
explain the meaning of Christmas to the children and that is why we
took part in providing the Church Travelling Crib with an overnight
stay . I have also been reading the Lion Children's Bible to them at
bedtime. I am not sure they understand it all yet, I'm not sure I do.
But I hope that its a start in introducing them to the potential
benefits that a little bit of faith can bring to life. I want my
children to appreciate what they have and how lucky they are compared
to others in the world. I think its important to think about the
homeless, children who may not have the luxury of both parents and
those who are lonely or sick.
However, I do not want them to
dwell on this and worry at their age. I want them to feel the
excitement and joy that I felt when I was little. Waking up in the
middle of the dark night to see a pillowcase of presents at the end of
my bed. Feeling desperate to open a tiny unnoticeable crack of wrapping
paper, just so I could see what was contained within. Trying to keep
one eye open all night long, just so I could see Father Christmas with
his delivery.
This is the first Christmas since I was little
that I feel really excited about. I know for sure that Toddler boy
understands what is going on. The anticipation of watching him open his
presents is all too much. Now I understand what all the fuss is about.
Christmas is the reward for all the sleepless nights, tantrums,
sickness and worry throughout the year. The birth of Jesus helps to
place yourself and your life in context and it's the start of another
incredible journey.
I hope you all have a lovely, healthy, joyous Christmas!
The first snow in months, little noses pressed against cold glass, a
slight fluttering in my tummy; I have so much to do, please, please
don't let this snow settle, until Christmas Eve at least. That's the
funny thing about snow isn't it? When you are between one and fourteen
years old it is THE best thing ever, once you reach that magical age of
self-consciousness about falling over, the magic goes. It's a nuisance. Unless you happen to be on a lovely Ski holiday, that is.
Snow fills Toddler boy with great joy, he can remember the last lot of snow. His baby sister wasn't even a month old. I can remember the trip he dragged me on to our local Waitrose,
the buggy literally bogged down in the snow stands out very clearly. In
fact, most of my adult memories of snow, other than of skiing are of
the sort of misery that comes with it. Clearing the snowy ice from the
car, slippy sliding places, that special level of cold which chills you
to the bone and so forth.
However, deep within the cavernous
recesses of my brain lurk childhood snow memories. I can clearly
remember building snow men, snowball fights and clearing snow with my
dad. These are the sorts of memories that I hope that my children will
have. The way they were both bizarrely licking the cold glass in
anticipation of getting out in the snow earlier, I think somehow they
will. I just need to regain my youthful enthusiasm for all things chilly.
You may have noticed a lack of activity around these parts recently. Well, it's down to the fact that I have returned to work. That went quick! At the moment, we are facing all the usual working mummy issues; poorly children picking up germs here there and everywhere and passing them on, mainly to me, a lack of time to do the housework and general all encompassing tiredness for all. I am told that it will pass. For sure, the first few weeks were the worst and with time, I am getting more and more used to the demands of work and home. I would even go so far as to say that I think it might be doing us all good. The children have definitely benefited from the diversity of activities and the opportunities for socialising that comes with playgroup and being at the childminders. I have moments where I feel like a normal human being, peaceful sips of warm tea are a great tonic for the mummy of two pre-schoolers. However, I do also feel a little bit guilty. Guilty about leaving the children with someone other than their mummy at such a young age and guilty for enjoying some of the peaceful moments without them. Therein lies the quandary of work and motherhood.